I want to talk about something a lot of people are afraid to do, which is tell their therapist that something is not working. It comes up more than you might think. Someone will sit with me for weeks, quietly feeling like we are missing the mark, and never say a word about it. And I understand why. It feels rude, or awkward, or like you are criticizing the very person who is supposed to be helping you. But I am going to tell you the same thing I tell everyone. Be honest. Ask. Say something.
Here is the blunt version. If something your therapist is doing is not working for you, and you never tell them, you are both wasting your time. They keep doing the thing, you keep quietly tuning out, and the weeks pile up with no real movement. That is not anyone being a bad therapist or a bad client. It is just a conversation that never happened.
Your therapist actually wants to hear it
The thing to understand is that good therapists want this feedback. We are not fragile about it. The moments where a client tells me that something is not landing, or that they did not love how a session went, are often the moments where the real work begins. There is a whole body of research in my field on what happens when there is a rupture in the relationship between a therapist and a client. The short version is that working through one of those moments, instead of letting it quietly sink the whole thing, tends to make the therapy stronger, not weaker. So when you speak up, you are not derailing the process. You are doing the process.
How to actually bring it up
So how do you say it? You do not need a speech. You can keep it simple and human. Something like, can I be honest about how the last few sessions have felt, or, I am not sure this approach is working for me, can we talk about it. That is all it takes. You are not firing anyone. You are opening a door. A good therapist will walk through it with you, ask questions, and adjust. Maybe the approach changes. Maybe they explain why they were doing what they were doing and it suddenly clicks. Either way, you learn something, and you stop spinning your wheels.
What if it still does not change
Now, what if you bring it up and nothing changes? That happens sometimes, and it is worth paying attention to. If you have been honest, given it a real chance, and you still feel stuck or unheard, that may be a sign that this particular fit is not the right one. And that is okay. I have said before that walking away from a poor fit is not failing at therapy. Sometimes the most honest thing you can do is go find someone whose style fits you better. The goal was never to stay loyal to one therapist. The goal was to get better.
Looking for a therapist in Manchester NH
If you are in Manchester or anywhere in New Hampshire and you have been sitting on the feeling that your current support is not quite working, take that feeling seriously. Whether it means having an honest conversation with the therapist you already have, or starting fresh with someone new, you deserve to feel like the time and money you are putting in is actually moving you forward.
At Care Pack Counseling, honesty is something I welcome, including honesty about how the work itself is going. I also try to make that first step easy, which is why I offer a 48 hour callback guarantee. If you reach out and I do not get back to you within 48 hours, your first session is on me. I am licensed across New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and Maine, and I see clients both in person and virtually, so we can work together whether you live around the corner or across the state. I am in network with Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, Harvard Pilgrim, Aetna, and Cigna, and sliding scale fees are available if you need them.
The office is at 923 Elm St, Unit 78, Manchester, NH 03101, and I work with people throughout Manchester, Concord, Nashua, Bedford, the Seacoast, and the Lakes Region. You can reach me at (978) 245-7163 or info@carepackcounseling.org, or learn more at carepackcounseling.org. When you are ready, I would love for you to join The Care Pack.
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