This post is a bit of a departure for me. I was doing a podcast interview last week and the host asked me how you know if you found a good therapist. I loved the question, because it sounds simple but it is one of the harder things to answer, and I have been turning it over in my head ever since.
Can you tell them the embarrassing parts?
A lot of the people I work with come in looking for help with intimacy, confidence, and sexual wellness. Those are not always easy things to say out loud. People feel embarrassed, and that embarrassment can make it hard to share what is really going on underneath. So here is the first thing I would tell you. A good therapist is someone you feel comfortable enough to share with, especially the parts you have already decided are embarrassing. And I can tell you with about 99 percent certainty that no clinician is sitting across from you in judgment. In my case, I am almost always thinking about one thing, which is how to help you get from where you are right now to where you want to be six months from now.
The relationship is where the work happens
The bond between a therapist and a client is a strange one, because so much of it hinges on the dynamics between the two people in the room. I have clients who look forward to our session every week. I also have clients who quietly dread the weekly hour and keep showing up anyway, because they can feel the progress they are making. Both of those can be signs of a good fit. If you show up ready to do the work, even when it is hard, and most of the time it is hard, then you have very likely found a good therapist.
A good fit also shows up in smaller ways. You feel like you can disagree without the whole thing falling apart. You can say that something is not working, and your therapist actually hears you instead of getting defensive. You leave most sessions feeling like you moved an inch closer to something, even on the weeks when an inch is all you get.
So is there such a thing as a bad client?
That is a harder question, and the honest answer is that I am not sure there is. Some people, and the things they are carrying, simply need a different skill set or a different perspective than I can offer. That is one of the quiet benefits of working in a private practice. When someone would be better served by another clinician, I can help them find the right person instead of keeping them in a room that is not working for them. Walking away from a poor fit is not failing at therapy. Some weeks it is the most useful thing you can do.
Looking for a therapist in Manchester NH
If you are searching for a therapist in Manchester NH, I would gently encourage you to pay attention to how you feel in those first few sessions, not only to the credentials on the page. My own background is in research on dating anxiety, and one thing that work drove home for me is that the fit between a person and their therapist tends to matter as much as any single technique. I draw on approaches like CBT, DBT, ACT, EMDR, and Internal Family Systems, but the method only does its job when the relationship underneath it feels safe.
If you have been putting this off, or you tried therapy once and it never quite clicked, that does not mean therapy is not for you. It might only mean you have not found your person yet.
At Care Pack Counseling, I try to make that first step easy, which is why I offer a 48 hour callback guarantee. If you reach out and I do not get back to you within 48 hours, your first session is on me. I am licensed across New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and Maine, and I see clients both in person and virtually, so we can work together whether you live around the corner or across the state. I am in network with Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, Harvard Pilgrim, Aetna, and Cigna, and sliding scale fees are available if you need them.
The office is at 923 Elm St, Unit 78, Manchester, NH 03101, and I work with people throughout Manchester, Concord, Nashua, Bedford, the Seacoast, and the Lakes Region. You can reach me at (978) 245-7163 or info@carepackcounseling.org, or learn more at carepackcounseling.org. When you are ready, I would love for you to join The Care Pack.
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