If you live with chronic pain, you already know the script. The flare ups that come out of nowhere. The doctor’s appointments where someone tells you your labs look fine. The well meaning friends who suggest yoga or turmeric or “have you tried just resting?” The slow erosion of patience with your own body. Chronic pain is exhausting in a way that’s hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t lived it, and the mental and emotional toll is often as heavy as the physical one.
What most people don’t hear from their primary care doctor is that the way you relate to your pain matters. Not in a “mind over matter” way, and not in a way that means your pain isn’t real. It’s very real. But there’s growing evidence that how we listen to, talk to, and respond to the parts of us that hurt can actually change our experience of pain. That’s where Internal Family Systems comes in.
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
Internal Family Systems, or IFS, was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. The core idea sounds simple but goes deep: we all have different “parts” inside of us, and these parts each carry their own thoughts, feelings, memories, and jobs. You’ve probably noticed this without naming it. There’s the part of you that wants to push through and work out anyway. The part that’s scared of getting hurt again. The part that’s furious at your body for not cooperating. The part that just wants to lie down and not be touched.
None of these parts are bad. In IFS, every part is doing its best to protect you, even when its strategies cause problems. Underneath all of those parts is something called the Self. It’s the calm, curious, compassionate core of who you are. The work of IFS is learning to lead with Self energy, get to know your parts with curiosity rather than judgment, and help them feel safe enough to soften.
Why IFS Speaks to Chronic Pain in a Unique Way
Chronic pain almost always comes with a whole crowd of parts. There’s usually a protector part that’s hypervigilant, scanning your body constantly for warning signs. There’s often a part that’s angry at the pain, sometimes turning that anger inward. There’s a grieving part that misses who you used to be before all of this. There’s a part that performs wellness for others so people don’t worry. And underneath all of them, there’s often a younger, vulnerable part that just feels scared and alone in their body.
Traditional approaches to chronic pain often try to silence these parts or push past them. IFS does the opposite. It invites you to slow down and listen. What is the angry part actually trying to protect? What does the hypervigilant part need to feel safe? What does the grieving part need to be heard? When parts feel witnessed instead of pushed away, something shifts. The nervous system settles. The body softens. Pain doesn’t always disappear, but the relationship to it changes profoundly.
What IFS for Chronic Pain Can Look Like in Session
In an IFS session, your therapist won’t ask you to ignore your pain or talk yourself out of it. Instead, you might be invited to turn toward a sensation in your body with curiosity. What does it feel like? If it had a voice, what would it say? How old does it feel? When did it first show up?
This is gentle work. You’re never forced to go anywhere you don’t want to go. Many people find that as they learn to be in relationship with their pain rather than at war with it, the chronic tension they’ve been carrying for years begins to loosen. Sleep improves. Flare ups become less frequent or less severe. The shame and frustration that often surround chronic illness begin to lift.
IFS pairs well with other evidence based approaches too. For folks dealing with trauma alongside chronic pain, which is incredibly common, modalities like EMDR can complement parts work beautifully. Approaches like ACT and CBT can offer skills and frameworks that support the deeper relational work IFS makes possible.
Who Might Benefit from This Kind of Therapy
Chronic pain therapy isn’t just for people with a diagnosis on paper. It can help if you’re navigating:
- Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, or autoimmune conditions
- Long COVID symptoms
- Migraines, tension headaches, or TMJ
- Chronic back, neck, or joint pain
- Pelvic pain, endometriosis, or IBS
- Post surgical pain that hasn’t resolved
- Pain tied to past trauma or abuse
- Any condition where you’ve been told “we can’t find anything wrong” but you know something is
You don’t have to choose between medical care and therapeutic care. The two work best together. A skilled therapist can be part of your broader team, helping you tend to the emotional and relational layers of living in a body that hurts.
Finding Chronic Pain Therapy in New Hampshire
At Care Pack Counseling, we approach chronic pain the way we approach all of our clients: as whole people, not symptom lists. Our clinicians are trained in IFS along with other evidence based modalities including CBT, DBT, ACT, and EMDR, and we believe in honoring the wisdom your body and your parts are carrying. We work with adults across New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and Maine who are tired of being told their pain is “just stress” and who want a therapist who actually understands chronic illness from the inside out.
In person sessions are available at our Manchester office, and virtual therapy is offered throughout all three states. If you’ve been carrying chronic pain alone for a long time, you don’t have to keep doing this by yourself.
Our 48 Hour Callback Promise
Reaching out for therapy when you’re already exhausted is hard. That’s why we promise to respond to every new client within 48 hours. If we don’t, your first session is on us.
Contact and Insurance
Care Pack Counseling 923 Elm St, Unit 78 Manchester, NH 03101 carepackcounseling.org
We accept Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, Harvard Pilgrim, Aetna, and Cigna. Sliding scale fees are available for clients paying out of pocket. Serving clients in person in Manchester, NH and virtually throughout New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and Maine.
Your body has been holding so much for so long. You deserve a space to set some of it down.
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